“Who Am I?” I remember writing my first essay on this topic when I was in Mrs. Dement’s English class in fifth grade. When I turned in my first rough draft, she said “Casey, I asked you who you are, not what you do.” You see, in my mind, “who I was” had everything to do with “what I did.” I described my love for running, basketball, tennis, my parents, sister, being a Mississippi State fan, and going to the beach with my family. What I learned as a fifth grader began to shape the way I viewed my identity. While being an athlete, beach-goer, daughter, and sister were very important to me, they were not all that I was or am.

The struggle that most of us have (and this struggle does not go away with age) is to find our identity and our rest in what we do, as opposed to who we are and more importantly whose we are.

Our identity is more than what we enjoy: being a ballet dancer, tennis star, gymnast, runner, cheerleader, musician, girlfriend, swimmer, basketball player, etc. While all of those things are good things and God-given abilities and gifts, what happens if we find our identity in those things and we are no longer able to “do” or “be” them? What if a knee injury keeps you from making the cheerleading squad your senior year? What if a broken arm sidelines your tennis career? What if your boyfriend of three years breaks up with you? We must find our identity in the only One whose love is sure and unchanging: Jesus. Being a daughter of the King is where true identity is found. It sounds so trite and is often an overly used statement, but it is the truth.

I love being a wife to Colton. Being married to him has brought me more joy than any other relationship in my life. I love being a sister to Leigh. She is a wonderful friend to me. I love being the owner of our dog, Guinness. He has been a constant in my life for nine years. I love working out at the gym. Exercising is a huge stress relief for me. I love being on the beach. Watching the waves roll in brings me great joy and peace. All of the things that I have listed have brought me immense joy, but all of them could be taken from me at any moment in this life. What if my identity is wrapped up in being a wife, sister, dog owner, and working out? What happens if my rest is found in being those things and doing those things? They are all temporary. Being a daughter of the King is forever! God wants us to take great delight in the things we like to do and be; in fact, he gives them to us for our pleasure and enjoyment. But, they cannot be our place of ultimate identity and rest. Our identity and rest, when found in Christ, makes the relationships, sports, and road trips way more enjoyable because we are not trying to make them be our “everything.”

The times in my life that I have experienced the most pain and frustration have been when I have taken a relationship, sport, or job and had it be my everything. I expected it to fulfill all of my desires, hopes and longings, only to be left empty. Resting in Christ and finding identity in him means that we put our hope and trust in him, and we enjoy the things of this life, but do not expect them alone to satisfy. In fact, the things that we do enjoy become much more sweet because we are NOT expecting them to be everything to us. We instead reserve that title for the Lord.

As you get older, the struggle to find your identity in being a girlfriend, fiancé, wife, friend, mother, or grandmother will increase. I want to encourage you to practice the discipline of finding your identity and rest in Christ alone now. It is a spiritual discipline and starting early, just like most spiritual disciplines, will become easier to keep over time.

Mrs. Dement taught me a great lesson: what I do does not make me “who I am.” To add to her teaching, I would say: who I am has everything to do with whose I am (a child of God) and not what I do. It has been twenty-two years since I was in the fifth grade, and I still don’t quite “get it” most days. To be honest, I think this will be a struggle until the day the Lord calls me home. But, it is a battle worth fighting. My life is much more enjoyable when my rest and identity are found in Christ. I can promise life will not be a bed of roses just because you rest in Christ, but the smell of them blooming as you wrestle through the thorns will bring you great joy!

Casey Cockrum is the Assistant Director of College & Young Adult Ministry at Independent Presbyterian Church in Memphis, TN ----------------------------------------------------------

* “In Christ Alone” by Stuart Townend